pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
