I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
