I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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