pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wear drunk well.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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