i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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