I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize