You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
