Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
