Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize