Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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