Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
