I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
