Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
