I want to have your abortion
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
