so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
