He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are my feet made of real feet?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
