Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
