I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
