he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
