I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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