so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
