Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
