and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
