Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
