You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
