Your face is a jimmy john
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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