There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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