no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
