I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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