Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
