Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
