I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
