Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
