hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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