Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
