Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
