I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
