you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
