Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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