I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
