when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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