Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
