Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
