You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
birth control should be required to get into college
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
