My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
id be glad to
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
