Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
