i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
