I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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