I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
