Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
