I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
