it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
