I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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