I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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