Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A bitchslap is in order.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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