Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
