Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
