I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
