I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
