She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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