that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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