So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
