...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
