We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
