so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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