I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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