oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
