oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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