About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
