I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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