hotel room ftw
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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