I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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