the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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