nut hugger
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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